On October 14, 2018 in Capetown, South Africa, a bit of skate history was made, although you probably never heard about it. After an amazing run, South African skater Yann Horowitz won the qualifier to the Vans Park Series, securing him a spot to compete in the finals in Shanghai, China. It would be an exciting time for any skater, and especially for Yann who’d battled sponsor changes, injuries, and dwindling support for South African skaters. But as the champagne was being popped, beers were being crushed, and someone was undoubtedly yelling something incomprehensible into a megaphone, Yann did something no skater has ever done before: he walked up to the stands, leaned in, and kissed his boyfriend. We got him to spill the tea on his career, coming out and that kiss…
INTERVIEW & PHOTOGRAPHY BY SAM MCGUIRE
FEATURED IMAGE “THE KISS” PHOTO SHOT BY JANSEN VAN STADEN
Yann, what was it like growing up gay in South Africa?
Things were just a little bit more conservative and a little more different. You know, like my sisters used to dress me up all the time and I loved it. I had this sort of alter ego named Danica, and I would get into heels and be in dresses and makeup and I wouldn’t take it off the whole day. I just really enjoyed it. Then high school happened and there was just this underlying fear of that not being ok, and not being loved and not being accepted. So I kept it bottled up inside.
Was the dressing in drag just a rebellion against everything masculine?
Apparently from about three years old I only wanted to wear dresses. My sister was a complete tomboy, she only wanted to wear boys’ clothes and I only wanted to wear girls’ clothes. Me and my older sister were kind of gender-flouting little kids. Even parts of high school I’d shop mostly in the girls section. I guess I had this confidence that no one could question, so I could kind of get away with wearing these girls clothes but not give away the fact that I was gay, if that even makes any sense.
“The amount of love
I got from everyone was fucking amazing,
so much love. But it was also
kind of funny the amount of girls who
were like, ‘Oh no! Are you sure?’”
It was kind of like, “Yann’s being funny,” rather than…
Yes, exactly. They’re like, “He’s just eccentric, it’s fine.”
Funny cause then you came out as gay, and people were surprised like, “Whoa wait, what, we had no idea!”
Yeah exactly. It’s like, “What do you mean? I had no idea.” Read the signs! But at the same time, dressing up in women’s clothing doesn’t make you gay at all. I’m not saying that anyone that doesn’t conform to dress codes is gay or straight or whatever, but it was definitely a more freeing side of my personality that I could kind of get away with it.
It’s like, if you acted your true self, people may be like, “Whoa, Yann is too gay for me,” but if you play this persona, it’s ok, it’s funny. It’s just like, “Drag Yann,” but secretly you’re like, “No, I’m dying inside but this is the only way I can deal because you’ll let me do this…”
It’s so easy for people to be oblivious of the cries for help in a way, y’know? Like, instead of asking questions or asking if you’re alright, you kind of just suspect that maybe it’s a bit of a personality disorder. That was one of the things that surprised me the most. I thought everyone knew and was just waiting for me to say something. And eventually when I said something, everyone was like, “What? We had no idea.” It’s like, how did they not piece it together yet? I never brought girls home.
It’s funny looking back but, at the time it was just suffocating, almost like you were hoping to get discovered/outed. You came out to your sister first, right?
So me and sisters had like taken this ecstasy, and we’re chatting at this club, and one of my sister’s straight friends comes up to me and is like, “Hey dude, there’s girls over there in the corner checking us out. We should totally go chat them up.” And I just said, literally to his face, “Fuck this!” Then I ran up to my sister on the dance floor and—you know that classic club talk, where you have to scream in someone’s ear?—I was just like, “Sam, I’m gay! I’m fucking gay!” And she was like, “Oh rad! Go tell your other sisters!” And we ended up dancing the whole night. Like, kind of crying and dancing at the same time. It was this beautiful fuckin’ moment. And we’re on ecstasy and after a few moments it all dawned on me that it was the first time I’d ever told someone and it was just tears. The breakdown and comedown… At the next family dinner, my sister was like, “Yann’s got something to tell you,” to my parents. She just fuckin’ outed me straight up! She didn’t say it, but she was like, “It’s time, just fucking say it.” It was one of the best things I ever could have done. Ever.
Weird how nice it is to tell everyone than that awkward feeling of like, facing everyone after everyone sort of knows.
Yeah, it’s almost like this weird feeling of you feel like friends are looking at you like a completely different person first off. And then questions start arising like, “But why were you lying to us?” or “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Which is a double-barrelled question, because these people never have to go through it. Being positive about it in high school and you kind of just have to, like, explain it. It’s a weird little phase.
It really changed my life because I’d go on skate trips and be like – I don’t know, I was angry. Like, at myself and other people, but everyone was so nice, and so sweet and i’m like, wtf guys. It’s hard to explain, I just felt so relieved and so upset, I just spent years in turmoil at the same time.
I was almost like hoping for backlash weirdly enough. Like I wanted people to hate me and be like, “Oh my god, fuck you, get out of my house you fucking gay boy.” But it never happened, and that irritated me for some reason! Because I’d finally mentally prepared myself for it. And it just never happened. It was like, can someone just fight me on this? I had this whole speech ready in my head. But, do you know what? I definitely had a lot of friends look at me and say, “You’ve changed since you’ve come out, but in the best way.” Like I finally had opened up my heart and everything to everyone. I was always very distant and no one could ever crack my shell. So they could finally actually see inside of me.
When we first met, I asked you this, but I’ll just ask you again. You have that interview—and obviously it wasn’t your headline.
Not one of my proudest moments!
The Huck interview where it said, “Yann Horowitz is Tired of Being a Gay Spokesperson.” I just remember being so angry when I read that, because I was like, “Fuck this bitch, who the fuck does she think she is?”
So that wasn’t my headline at all.
“Let’s say you do come out, and those friends don’t want to be friends anymore – good riddance.”
Just curious about what has changed in your head since that headline and makes you want to be more of a role model or an advocate?
So I was just really scared that me being a gay skateboarder was going to become this gimmick. I didn’t want my identity and everything I supported to center around being a gay athlete, y’know? I thought there was way more to me, personality-wise and everything. I think I was in a very angry place at that time, and in a weird way I kind of just wanted to fit in. I guess maybe the way I answered the questions may have come across as kind of shutting them out, but I’ve actually grown a lot from back then. I’ve realized that it’s something I actually just need to embrace to the fullest. I’d rather be an inspiration to help young kids get brave enough to walk out of the darkness and come out.
“I was almost like hoping for backlash
weirdly enough. Like I wanted
people to hate me and be like,
‘Oh my god, fuck you, get out of my house you
fucking gay boy.’ But it never happened.”
What was in your head, if you were “that gay skater,” did you picture being ostracized or… ?
I’d kind of just come out, y’know? So it was still very new to me and there was still very much this weird fear. That same fear of not being accepted. I always have this thing where I like people to meet me first. So they can realize who I am and then find out. Do you know what I mean?
Well and a lot of times you end up getting asked a lot of the same questions.
Yeah, exactly. It’s a classic thing where people think that if you’re gay you just want to fuck anything and everything. People will ask like, “Do you think I’m hot?” or “Do you think so and so is hot?” and it’s sometimes so uncomfortable — my favorite thing to do is just break their heart and just be like, “You’re not my type.”
So how did you come out to all of these skaters? Or the skate world? I’m assuming you came out to your family and then had to do this whole other thing.
So I came out to family first, and then I told a friend and was like, “Don’t tell anyone.” And they told fucking everyone. Classic fucking scenario. I just had people come up to me when I was out at the club and whisper like, “I know.” And it was like, what? What do you know? They’re like, “I know you’re gay.” And I’m like, “Yes! I know too.” From there, the local skate mag got hold of me.
Would they tell you it was cool or just tell you that they knew?
No, no, no! They were fuckin’ hyped. Everyone was hyped. The amount of love I got from everyone was fucking amazing, so much love. But it was also kind of funny the amount of girls who were like, “Oh no! Are you sure?” I’m like, “Yes, honey, I’m sure.” Sorry about it! But the local skate mag got hold of it and I was speaking to the editor, and he was like, “If you’re comfortable with it, I think you should come out to the whole scene.” And I did and it was amazing. As soon as that mag came out, it was phone call after phone call. It was really beautiful. Lots of tears. And it just reminded me to have faith in people and humanity. All the people I was the most worried about, in a weird way, were the ones who were the most embracing of it and sent me the most love.
What would you tell younger, in-the-closet Yann now that you’re—I don’t want to say older—but maybe more mature?
That I’m not no spring chicken anymore!
[Laughs] Ok what would you tell twink Yann?
Twinky Yann?
Foam party, clubbing, twinky, ecstasy Yann.
Hiding all my emotions Yann, yeah. [laughing] Um, I would say, “Don’t give a fuck about anything and anyone, because you don’t know everything yet. You just needed to come to terms with the fact that you were born this way and embrace it, and just fucking show the world how fierce you are. Don’t let other people’s opinions lock you up. Don’t be afraid to embrace people and talk.”
What do you think twink Yann would say to you, after hearing that?
He’d be like, “Oh yeah sure, I’ll do it right after this next song plays.” But yeah, that’s all I needed to hear when I was in that space. I needed someone to confide in and ask me these questions. All I really wanted was someone to come sit me down and tell me that they know, do you know what I mean? I grew up in Durban, and Durban is a very conservative, religious place. It’s very diverse and it’s beautiful, but there were no gay clubs. There was maybe like one gay cafe that my mom used to take me to. Also, an aside, it was like, “Mom you keep taking me here?”
Stop trying to turn me gay, mom!
It was just one of those things where I really just needed a kick in the ass. I don’t want to make it sound too sexual, but I just needed someone to light the fire underneath me and the rest would have followed, but that never came. It just got easier and easier to bottle it inside.
What would you tell young people who are struggling with their sexuality so that they don’t end up stuck in the closet and dealing with all the mental health issues that come with that?
I guess just find the person you love the most. And be prepared for anything and talk. Get it out there as soon as possible, because the longer it lingers the worse it gets. Unfortunately a lot of people turn to drugs and alcohol because it’s the easiest thing to numb that. So I would recommend not doing drugs and alcohol, and having a real conversation with a person you love.
I feel like that’s the biggest thing, is finding one person you can talk to.
Let’s say you do come out, and those friends don’t want to be friends anymore – good riddance. Because you don’t need that shit in your life. You’re going to find some fabulous friends who you see eye-to-eye with very soon.
IG: @horoblitz
THE KISS
Shot by Jansen Van Staden
Adam [Yann’s Boyfriend] It was really just spur of the moment, I didn’t even realize we were gonna get such a good photo out of it. Yann and I did discuss after the fact how important it was to be that visible in a contest like that where there was a lot of families, macho bros, and it was just like, good visibility.
Yann – I think after I won, you know, I just wanted to embrace my boyfriend. We didn’t really realise how important it was until everyone made such a big deal out of it. ‘Cause you know, we were just being ourselves and just like, doing our thing.
Adam – And I looked really good in that photo [laughs].
Yann – Adam was coaching me the whole day, giving me good advice, giving me ginger shots. It was just a declaration of our love and it just happens to be gay love.
Adam – It wasn’t really done as a statement, but suppose it could be perceived as one. Which is kind of a shame really. Like, would it be the same if it was a straight couple?
Yann – Also I just wanted to kiss Adam like, “Whaa, whaa, you just got beat by a gay guy.” [laughs] It ended up being this big deal in China actually ’cause they posted it online and people were like, “You were the guy kissing that other guy.”
