Thanks to Aaron Herrington and his mental health story, this interview has the potential to save lives. Aaron is one hell of a professional skater, riding for some of our industry’s raddest companies, living in the concrete playground of NYC, and bolstering an impressive resume of world travels and video parts. However, beyond all these impressive attributes to his legacy is something far more impressive: Aaron is a vulnerable human being. The skateboard savant did what many people are afraid to do–he got help. Now, after cognitive behavioral therapy and learning to live with borderline personality disorder, he is here to amplify the mental health conversation in skateboarding. A conversation that often only happens when it’s too late. Taking any fear of judgment head on, he lets everyone struggling with mental health know they are not alone.
Interview by Zane Foley
Photography by Giovanni Reda
Published in April 2021
In your interview with the Ben Raemers Foundation, you said your mindset got the best of you. What was your mindset when first dealing with mental health issues?
For me and from my experiences, I embraced that party lifestyle. I didn’t realize things were necessarily not going accordingly or not going the way I wanted them to in my head. Certain things were happening in my life, simple basic things, stuff that we all deal with; but for me they were intense stressors and I didn’t know how to deal with them. One of them being flying. Which as you know with skateboarding, traveling a lot becomes a big part of your professional career. You fly six-ten-twelve-sixteen hours depending on your location. I didn’t realize the amount of anxiety and paranoia and everything that went into that. I didn’t realize how uncomfortable and how obsessive compulsive I was about my sleeping routines and things like that. Fortunately, I had people around me that were taking notice of things. That’s the beauty of our skateboarding community. The people will hold you accountable at times.
You knew you had a problem or did other people bring it to your attention?
I had people, whether they were in the industry or they were friends who just knew something wasn’t right. Fast forward a few years and drinking was a big coping mechanism. In the end it was exasperating and enhancing the decline of my mental health. I didn’t know what I was going through. A lot of people call it post-party-depression but there were a lot of panic attacks and it got very dark. It would turn into times when I wasn’t sleeping. There were lapses of memory or me not being who I normally was and my behavior just being extremely off. Then, being sent home from a trip, getting help from my parents, stuff like that.
Was being sent home from a trip what put things in motion for you to seek help?
At that time my mom suggested I see a psychologist. That’s when I opened the door for myself to the world of mental health. Before that I didn’t really know much about it. Even leading up till I was about 25-26, I didn’t really know what anxiety was or what that term meant. I would watch antidepressant commercials and say, “Man, that would suck to be like that.” But with my own experiences now, well, that’s just reality.
How did you realize you were coping with mental health issues through alcohol?
It took a lot of people around me to get me to see what was going on. Unfortunately, there was a lot of enabling going on as well. Misery loves company, we all know that one. There were times where people didn’t necessarily want to tell me they thought I had an issue. In other words, they thought they would lose a side of me. In the end, when I was able to tell myself that I was an alcoholic during the first time I went to Alcoholics Anonymous; that was the first time in my life where I had said something where I felt like this huge relief and weight off my shoulders. It was all of a sudden from this term that I had been dying to say.
What do you believe coming to terms with your alcoholism did for you?
The first time I went to AA, I remember thinking this might be something that might help me with some stuff. Then the first time I said, “Hi, my name is Aaron. I’m an alcoholic.” All of a sudden saying it out loud opened up this clarity for me. I knew, “Holy shit. I have this issue. I have this disease or allergy.” I actually like to call it an allergy. My drinking was stemming from my mental health or was damaging my mental health. In the end, alcohol was something I was utilizing all the time to make myself feel comfortable. To make myself feel calm. To be on a trip. To make myself feel confident. I used it for just about anything you could think of. I used to be deceitful. I used it to be happy. All these things that later on I came to realize was stemming from my own insecurities and my own lack of self love. Also the stigmas around mental health and me wanting to talk about it. There were some people I felt comfortable talking to about these issues and then there were a lot of people I didn’t feel comfortable talking to. Then some people I would talk to them about it and I would get angry with them and then I would drink more.
How do you think we can better encourage others to reach out to others visibly in substance conflict?
I mean this really with no disrespect to anyone and I’m not speaking about anyone or anybody in specific, but the people that I had around me at the time, they weren’t sober people. They weren’t the people who didn’t drink or didn’t indulge in things, so while they were there for me, they weren’t sober people. That being said, Lee Berman is a very level headed guy, doesn’t over-indulge. He might have some beers but he’s not like a party guy. He was someone who I could take his advice and I could take it with sincerity and understand he was genuinely looking out for me. Pontus Alv was another person who would look out for me and tell me that he was noticing things with me. But he was a little more frustrated with me about it. But there’s some people, there might be team managers or teammates and people who don’t even notice they themselves are going through a bunch of shit. So how could they even be able to handle what their team riders or teammates are going through, if they themselves are not even able to understand what they are going through or what anxiety is. There’s people that don’t even notice that stuff and I would say that’s probably the biggest difference with things when it comes to my situation and maybe other people dealing with mental health issues. They might not be people that are at that point in their own life or they drink or whatever or they still don’t see it as a problem; or the brand revolves around that kind of stuff. I don’t really know and again, I can’t think of a brand in specific but there’s obviously something going on in skateboarding.
Skateboarding and skate trips are infused with drinking and partying, and thus, makes it extremely difficult to be able to let people know, “Hey, I have a problem.” Do you think skateboarding as a whole lacks compassion or rather understanding of these types of mental health issues?
Honestly, that is a great question. I have been trying to answer it myself for three years now. I don’t know if it’s a lack of understanding or what it is. What it comes down to is people are having fun with each other and you share these experiences on trips or just together as a team or a crew of homies. Then all of a sudden someone says, “Hey I have a problem. I need to change, this isn’t working for me,” and it can bum some people out. It’s unfortunate it would upset people. I’m sure there are plenty of people that are so beyond happy that I don’t drink anymore. But I’m sure there’s some people who say, “Man, I miss when you used to drink beer and do this and do that.” But also being called a liability wasn’t fun. It’s just hard for skaters to open up.
Why do you think skateboarders have a hard time being vulnerable about sobriety?
The thing that I have experienced myself is, now that I don’t drink, people sometimes don’t necessarily know how to relate with me or they struggle to. It’s not like I’m sitting there judging them. I’m not sitting there saying, “Man this dude is getting fucked up, like holy shit. But I shouldn’t go and say something to them because it’s not my place to say something.” But there are times where people are like, “Oh right, you don’t drink anymore [sigh],” and it’s viewed as, you’re lame. Or they respect it but skaters don’t want to talk about it because they don’t want to seem lame or appear not as cool anymore. That whole party lifestyle and stuff shows your level of coolness or how cool you are to some people and you say, “Yo, I can’t do this anymore.” Skaters might not understand that because they don’t have problems with partying, and unfortunately, skaters who do have problems with it, might not look as cool.
Do you wish there was more acceptance for those who do not partake and how do we encourage more acceptance?
Acceptance is definitely the right term. To encourage more acceptance, I mean it’s like skateboarding. The whole idea of we all skate, we’re all brothers and sisters; when you see a skater you’re instantly friends. That side of skateboarding doesn’t really exist anymore. Especially in metropolitan areas. It’s not like, oh there’s a skater–we’re homies. You kind of have to vibe each other out. Almost, What are they wearing?–type vibes.
Why can’t we accept skateboarders for who they are?
I think with acceptance, from my experience, there’s definitely people who because I talk about my mental health openly or that I am willing to have this discussion, they think I’m crazy [sic]. Or they think certain things about me because I don’t drink. There’s that lack of acceptance of accepting the fact I decided to stop doing something to better myself. Something that people may not realize is harming their own life; because again, misery loves company. I’ve had friends tell me after the fact, “Oh, you told me you thought that you had a problem and I thought you did too but I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to lose that side of you.” It’s not really even being accepting of the fact this person needs to change for the better. We’re only really accepting the person for half of who they really are, the really fun side, instead of as a whole.
How do you think skateboarding can create more acceptance as a whole?
To create more acceptance, that whole brotherhood of skateboarding truly needs to come back. The whole ‘cool guy’ thing and vibing each other out, that to me has to end for a lot more general acceptance to happen in skateboarding. The whole brotherhood mentality has died a bit and that’s what’s causing people to look at me and think that I’m completely whack because I don’t drink anymore. But at the end of the day, I don’t think they’re whack because they drink all the time. It just is what it is.
From pros and team managers to locals at a skate park; why are skateboarders afraid of being judged?
Insecurity. A lot of the skaters who don’t want to say hello or might introduce themselves to you like 15 times because they can’t seem to remember you or they give you a limp handshake−you show up at a spot and you just instantly have that ‘vibe’ feeling. That is someone being insecure. That’s their own problem. It’s like all of a sudden because ‘these dudes’ are rolling up to the spot, they’ve got to ‘act tough’ to make them feel weird. I don’t mean to sound harsh or sound rude but I just think it’s people who aren’t accepting themselves for who they are so they project that insecurity onto other people. Skateboarders are very insecure with themselves because they have something in their head ‘they need’ or maybe their outfit or their skating or they just ‘feel the need’ to present ’the vibe’ or something that is off putting or not very open.
What words of encouragement or advice do you have for skaters who might feel the need to see a doctor but are afraid of being judged?
I would say first and foremost consider if you have anybody in your life that is advocating for professional help. It took me a long time to get into therapy even though I had previous partners telling me it would be a good idea. But it was my mother who told me or got me into it. That was when I was in Oregon, then when I switched to a doctor here [NYC], it was a good fit at first but then I had to change doctors. That took a long time for me to even try and get myself to even go into therapy or find a new therapist and go the route of finding a psychiatrist to be put onto medication. So I do have to thank my ex-girlfriend for pressuring me and telling me she thought therapy and medication would be good for me. That this direction could be helpful.
How can we do more to break down those barriers that allow us to see the true nature of skaters without judging them?
With people and feeling judged, I know from personal experience people feel ashamed or they feel like a coward or something afterwards. At the end of the day, that is just all stigma and reinforcing that stigma if you believe it. Honestly, the strongest thing you can do is to go and get help and go and be open. Have conversation. My own father for example. Someone who lacks confrontation. Avoidance is a big thing for him but that is also something that he can work on. It’s just not something he’s wanting or willing to do. I love you Dad, [laughs].
How can we encourage skaters who might think they need therapy or would benefit from it?
I would just say if you feel embarrassed or if you’re feeling discouraged, there’s literally nothing wrong with therapy because you would honestly be so surprised with how many people are in therapy or seeking help who do not talk about it. In the moment, when you finally open that conversation, all of a sudden you can be at a table with ten people and half the people at that table will be like, “Yeah, I go to therapy. It’s the best thing ever.” Then the other five other people could start to think, “Oh shit, I didn’t know these people I look up to or respect are also in therapy or struggling with mental health or going through something.”
Why do you think some skaters are afraid to break down those walls and seek professional help for their mental health?
Not to talk about myself more but something that might help those understand is whenever I am open about things or something in mental health, I have a lot of people who direct message me on Instagram and tell me how much therapy helps. I am very open to having these discussions with people about therapy. I would say, if there were thirty people, I would say I’ve put or helped get at least ten of them to get into therapy. That might be an exaggeration but lets say five− even like five of thirty, let’s say at best. I’ve gotten people to reconsider getting back into therapy or consider trying out medication because they are discouraged or they are afraid. I’m not even one for pharmaceuticals or big-pharma by any means but there are some medications that can do amazing things that can help you and don’t have these insane adverse side effects or horrible things or horrible thinking patterns attached to them. Really, the more we can break down the walls around these stigmas and the walls people have with more acceptance, with more encouragement and with more drive, the better. People might not seek this help but at the end of the day, I think people really do want to be the best person or the best version of themselves. I’m not a perfect example of that. I’m flawed but I still try.
The pandemic and 2020 forced skaters and non skaters to deal with their mental health. It seems now skateboarding is ready to listen to this conversation because we all went through this past year and a half: what are your thoughts on that?
I absolutely agree. I think this last year, [sigh], there’s a lot of people who took their lives. It’s really unfortunate and it’s extremely sad because the people in my life or that are acquaintances of mine that I never expected to suffer from mental health, had issues. It takes a year of all of a sudden a completely different lifestyle change for all of us to have people, maybe for the first time, understanding what being depressed is or what being anxious is, from constantly be worrying about your health; or constantly worrying about who you’re around or what you’re doing or what you are doing about your mental health. Everyone had some form of their own mental health experience, whether it was positive or negative. I would say there was a lot more negative than good this year. Me myself, I went through Covid and then I broke my leg, so it was like double quarantining, basically. There were multiple times when I was extremely down on myself.
How did you deal with these challenges and what did they reveal to you about yourself going through the pandemic?
I was extremely down on just about everything but at the end of the day, I just had to remember that I wasn’t the only person locked inside. I wasn’t the only person stuck inside doing nothing. I often forgot that I was alone, rather, I was in this together with the entire world in a sense. And I hope that this year or that 2020 really further opens up the dialogue and further opens up the conversation for mental health and for suicide awareness and prevention. I think a lot of skaters were saying things or there was so much content saying, “Check up on your friends. Call people and tell them you love them.” But even something as simple as that, it’s hard for people to call up their friends and tell them you love them. It’s hard for people to call their loved ones and tell them that they are really depressed because of this or that. And I think this last year hopefully opened that up for a lot of people. Because I would speak to my mother or I would speak to my family members and it seemed like everyone was going through something. As sad as it was, I think that it was good for a lot of people too because it kind of put some people in other people’s shoes for once and changed some people’s perspectives on a lot of things, including mental health.
Based on your experiences, do you think skateboarders are more open to talk about mental health in general?
I think for some people, and I’m not going to name any names or anything, but I have a teammate where he and I are extremely close. We’ve always been extremely close but I would say for the first few years of us getting to know each other, we’ve been teammates for like 7-8 years now, he would kind of bust-my-balls but it was always in good fun. He didn’t mean to ever upset me or anything like that but with who I am and looking back on the situation, I was reacting or I was responding and reacting in a negative way because of what he would say to me. And as time progressed and I went through my ups and downs to where I am at now, we can now comfortably have these conversations like, “How are you doing? Oh, that’s good. The medicine seems to be working and really helping you out. I’m so happy for you and I apologize if I’m more cut off. You wear your heart on your sleeve.”
How do you think these conversations you’ve had with skaters close to you has had an impact on them?
There’s skateboarders that I’ve had these conversations with who totally get it and are completely receptive to these mental health conversations. For them, it’s made them for lack of a better term, a softer human as well. Then there’s some people who have seen first hand, someone like myself or others who are going through panic attacks or going through mental health issues. They can now relate to it and put themselves in my shoes. When they know what it’s like and how it’s a common thing for me, they’re saying, “Holy shit. I’ve had a panic attack once and it was horrible and horrifying.” For me, I’m saying, “Well yeah, this happens to me like once a week.” It just makes it so when people hear or talk about mental health issues it actually can change their mindset. Until you tell somebody what’s up, someone will only know what they know about you from a viewpoint. I mean, there’re teammates of mine where I learned things about their family members and I’m thinking, “Jesus Christ, I’ve known you for ten years and I haven’t even asked you where you’re originally from?” There’s some people where we’ve had these deep conversations, maybe where I’ve opened up to them about it and they see where I am at now. They understand why I acted a certain way in the past or why I was who I was years ago. Granted, if I were to continue down the path I was on, I probably wouldn’t be the best person to be around or maybe my career would be over. I don’t even know where I would be at.
Is that something you think about often? What if you never reached out for the help you needed at the time?
Yeah, I mean, I do often wonder where I would be or what would I have done if I never got the help I needed at the time or if I didn’t tell Jerome [Campbell] and Lee [Berman] at the time that I was going through some stuff. Basically, everyone that was on the trip that I got sent home from. They knew something was up because I was so verbal about it. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I was just letting people know, “Something is wrong. I’m not right. I don’t feel right. Everything is stressing me out. I can’t sleep. I keep panicking.” Back then they might have thought, “He’s just a little crazy.” But now, they’re saying, “Dude we totally get it. We understand what was happening and we get what was going on.” That’s also because of people like the Ben Raemers Foundation and not just because of my story or me talking to them but other people also opening up and helping to raise awareness and cause other people to realize like, “Oh shit, Aaron wasn’t just crazy. He was legit going through some stuff at that time.”
Can you talk about the moment you were diagnosed with type-2 bipolar and the cognitive behavioral therapy for skateboarders to gain more awareness on the two?
The diagnosis stuff started at the very beginning stages of therapy. I mean to technically be fully diagnosed, you have to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist I believe. I was seeing a psychologist at the time and just based on my behavior and what I was expressing and what I was sharing with her, she was saying type-2 bipolar. As I have gone into other therapists and I have gone into seeing a psychiatrist, getting on medication for certain things, type-2 bipolar diagnosis makes sense to me and to everyone. But unfortunately, this one has a really bad stigma to it. I actually lean more now towards not being type-2 bipolar but leaning more towards having Borderline Personality Disorder (BDP). Which also is really hard because it’s so stigmatized. People hear BPD and they think schizophrenia or they think that I am talking to myself on purpose or some other crazy shit. Really it means I struggle with loving myself and I struggle with communicating with my loved ones and with people I am in romantic or loving relationships and friendships with.
Do you have any idea where something like borderline personality disorder stems from?
Typically those things stem from your childhood. Your childhood doesn’t have to be insane and it doesn’t have to be abusive or anything like that. It can be very minimal things but as I am in therapy for my cognitive behavior, or rather, the therapy that I am in is cognitive behavior therapy; that’s basically all about trying to rework my thinking patterns and how I can respond to things instead of reacting to things.
Could you provide us with an example of something you learned in therapy?
A good tool I use at times, and to be clear I fail between going back and forth between using the tools and not; but when someone upsets me, instead of reacting to the text message or the email right then and there, I write down my response and think about it for twenty minutes and come back to it. And if I still feel the same, let’s say animosity about it, then I probably shouldn’t send that message. It’s kind of like rethinking your initial actions or reactions to things.
How does borderline personality disorder go into your daily experiences with mental health?
So unfortunately, in your relationships where things can be especially difficult because insecurities and jealousies come out in very peculiar forms, which is obviously something I am trying to continually work at. It’s a difficult one again because it is very stigmatized, skaters don’t really understand borderline personality disorder, but it is very similar to being bipolar. I would say bipolar you have a lot more mood swings. Borderline personality disorder, it’s a lot of struggling with communication with people. And I have experienced that with sponsors and partners and partnerships and it’s something that I always want to continue working on. Because if I can’t learn to 100-percent love myself, then I can’t learn to 100-percent love another person. Whether that be my future wife or whoever. That’s not fair to that person. Nor is it fair to myself.
You strive to better communicate your emotions to loved ones: do you believe skateboarding as a whole can do better to communicate our emotions?
I absolutely agree. I think as skaters we love each other. There’s clearly heavy love and you can see it just even on Instagram or with skate park crews and stuff like that. People are actually talking about mental health. There’s dudes I haven’t seen for the last year who I genuinely love as my teammates and my friends. Yeah, I have had these talks with them about Ben and stuff like that but it’s not enough.
Would you say it starts with trying to understand people with mental health issues or understand what they might be going through?
Absolutely. See that’s the thing, someone could be going through something. I mean, there are times when I have cried on tour and things like that. That’s something I am not ashamed of. People seeing me do that, seeing me cry on tour, that opened up people asking me like, “Hey Aaron, what’s going on?” Basically having that, ‘I love you man’ conversation. Then there’s people that I know who do genuinely love me because we had those conversations like Brian DeLaTorre. I know that dude genuinely loves me and I love him as well. There’s a ton of people too where I think it just takes more of having those deep conversations. The more time we spend with someone, rooming with them, I‘ve roomed with Brian for years on trips so we’ve talked about just about everything. He’s seen me go through my ups and downs. That’s really an important thing.
Would you say it’s about how good friends you are with fellow skaters?
It’s more than about how good of friends you are. You can have a friend or it might be someone you’re not that tight with or even just teammates. They might not know a whole bunch about you or you won’t open up to them or they might not want to hear it. But there are the people who are super receptive to it. It just truly comes down to the individual, who you’re talking to. I wish us skaters as a whole we were more open to actually expressing our emotions or being more vulnerable with ourselves. Skateboarding has always been viewed as this ‘tough guy’ thing. Which is fine. But there’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable at the same time.
We seem to be okay with skateboarders showing their emotions on their board but get uncomfortable when we see or hear them express emotional issues off of one?
Exactly. We can see a skater battling a trick and they can be loosing their fucking minds and you’re going to get them some water or get them a snack or something; and while they’re trying the trick, you’re rooting them on the entire time hoping that they land it. Then later on that person might be like, “Hey man, I’m going through this right now.” We might just respond with “Don’t worry about it, man.” Or tell them to, “Stop thinking about it,” assuming they can brush it off really quickly. You watch them try a trick and you’re rooting them on the whole entire time while they’re driving themselves crazy but then the moment when they might actually be going through something, we’re essentially saying, “Just stop worrying about it dude. You’ll get over it.” We might say, “It’s all good man,” or “I can’t really relate to that. That’s crazy–sorry bro.”
It’s almost like skaters don’t know how to respond in those situations?
A big thing with that too is a lot of people just don’t know how to relate honestly. There are a lot of people out there who can read this interview and be like, “Holy shit, I relate to that,” or there’s a lot of people who read it and say, “I have all those things that Aaron is experiencing but I don’t feel as extreme as he does.” That’s the thing I’ve noticed also is you can be talking to somebody and say, “I have depression and this and that,” and they can be like, “Oh yeah well, who doesn’t?” When someone says that, it dismisses the conversation altogether at that point. It’s like, “Alright, I was trying to have a serious conversation with you about something but you just told me that everyone has it.” That will now make me shut up.
Do you think there is a lack of empathy surrounding mental health in skateboarding?
I think empathy is a big part of this whole thing. I think if skateboarding does lack empathy, it goes back to what I was saying about the roots of skateboarding and the crew mentality. I often joke and wish there was some beef in skateboarding, [laughs] like crew to crew, just because I think it’s kind of funny but there is definitely a lack of compassion and empathy for one another. As much as we all love to tell ourselves that we’re all brothers and sisters and this rad group of people, we can certainly shut individuals out at times and dismiss them very quickly.
Would you say skateboarding is a free group therapy and how might a skate park compare to AA?
That’s actually a really funny comparison to think about, [laughs]. It’s true. Unfortunately, I don’t actively go to AA anymore but I did for a long time. I do think skateboarding is most certainly free group therapy. AA is another situation where you find yourself where no matter your background or what you’re going through, once you walk through those doors it’s a judgment free zone. All of a sudden you’re having a conversation with someone who based on their appearance you’d think you’d never have a conversation with otherwise. Next thing you know, they’re offering you their telephone number to be your sponsor. I think it’s funny because then you can go to a skate park and you would think it would be or could be a similar thing; again with this brotherhood and sisterhood and how we ‘all get along’. We’re all here to do the same thing but then like half the people at the skate park have headphones in or they’re staring down at their board not talking to anybody. Then there’s people smoking weed, which even I’m doing at the park sometimes; or there’s people drinking beer. It’s funny because you could have a big circle of open dialogue if you wanted to. Granted that would probably never happen. But I definitely think that skate parks and plazas and places like that are forms of group therapy.
Do you think a lot of skaters use skateboarding as their therapy?
Totally, I mean, there’ve been injuries in my life related to stressors that have been on my mind. Things that have been going on in my personal life or my private life when I have an injury or something happens on a trip or something like that, and it can be because my mind was not 100-percent focused on what I was doing. That ties back into, let’s say drinking and not being 100-percent consciously aware of my behavior.
You said previously in an interview, that you would like to get back to a point where skateboarding can be that outlet for you again. What do you think needs to happen to make skateboarding be more like how it was for you as a kid?
It’s certainly becoming that outlet for me again and I never lost my love for skateboarding or anything like that by any means. It just became more about drinking and doing other things. Those coping mechanisms became big distractions. It turned into: skating was a task I had to do because it was my job and then, how can I reward myself afterwards. That just continued on for months into years. Unfortunately with the injury, I didn’t watch a whole lot of skating, but now that the weather is getting nicer and I can skate again, it’s about getting back into that mindset. Sometimes it’s something as simple as pushing around on my board can be so amazing to me and it’s becoming therapeutic for me again because it’s something I haven’t been able to do for months. Skateboarding becoming more therapeutic is amazing because it’s something I have been lacking for what feels like so long.
Is skateboarding enough to keep your mental health in check?
On a personal level because while I haven’t been able to skate for six months, the therapy I have been in, over Zoom, every Sunday for years now, definitely, I feel like that wasn’t enough. Whereas skating wasn’t enough, so I had to go into therapy as well. It’s nice to have both of them back now that I am starting to skate again.
No more questions Aaron, the floor is yours.
To close it, I guess to be on topic with mental health and the whole thing with skateboarding; it’s just again, I would say never be afraid to contact your friends or your family or your sponsors or whoever about something you’re going through. I’m trying to not get emotional here, [pause]. As good of a friend Ben [Raemers] was to me, and how close we were, I didn’t see Ben for about a year and then, he passed away. Sorry, [tears]. For me, that was extremely difficult because, you don’t know the impact someone has on your life until you don’t have the ability to talk to them anymore.
Take your time brother.
It’s difficult. Maybe if, well, I’m not saying I or anyone could have done anything to have changed his mind or that anyone could have done anything to make it better. I just didn’t know personally what was going on with Ben. Maybe if I would have known a little more or if people would have known a little more, and with other people now as well, we might have been able to spare these people some time and maybe they would still be around, type of thing, [pause]. You should never be afraid to call your loved ones or tell people that you’re going through something. You should never be afraid to tell people that you’re struggling with something or feel like you’re going through something alone. You never know what may happen and you never know what that conversation can bring to you. It can be eye opening. It can be the conversation that person really needed that day. A big thing that I try to tell people that directly message me about things and suicide: is try not to beat yourself up so bad. It might sound cliché but please try not to beat yourself up. It’s a conversation I have with my friends often. Remember there’s only 24-hours in each day and you only have to do it one day at a time.
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