Not a single one of us would disagree with Peach when she says, “It’s easier to be myself on my skateboard.” We like to believe we are in control of our identity, an identity defined by the freedom we cultivate from our hermetic values outside the bonds of society. However, not everyone is truly free unless we as a community truly accept them for who they are. Peach, a furry trans skater from Norway who enjoys listening to midwest emo and playing video games, bravely puts her journey visibly online and we see a true lack of trans acceptance still exists in our community. Peach wishes nothing more than what we all attempt to capture by riding our board, to have fun.
Interview by Zane Foley
Photography by Kristoffer Kumar
Published in April 2021
How can love help amplify the mental health conversation?
I have a lot of love in me and I hope I can make people feel seen, feel loved, even if it’s someone that I might hate. I like to think I make a difference, at least on an individual level or so I try to at least. I do want to make a difference and use my voice. I’m probably best known for my skating in high heels, which has gotten me an insane amount of attention, offers and opportunities. In addition to having fun, I try to make good use of it all and spread a positive message or speak out for a good cause whenever I get the chance. Like with this interview for instance. I’m very glad you asked me to talk to you in relation to mental health.
What are some of your initial thoughts when you think of skateboarding and mental health?
The two are very closely intertwined. The reason I skate is because I enjoy it. It makes me happy and it’s absolutely one of the few things I always look to when I need to focus on something or to get out of my own head for a while. Skating is easily accessible and a helpful tool to me when everything sucks and it’s hard to look ahead. That being said, skateboarding can be so many things, both good and bad. It’s a very powerful tool. Skateboarding (in terms of mental health) can be creative and healing but also destructive; with all things it brings in terms of social aspects for instance. It’s whatever we make of it or make it about as human beings, as individuals, for ourselves and to others. I would wish more people would think of how much skateboarding can actually mean to someone and always encourage others’ love for something mutual.
Is it true you have been suffering from tinnitus? How has that impacted you?
Yes, I don’t think a lot of people know this but I have permanent tinnitus after a concert in May 2014. I’d been to plenty of concerts before but one day the ringing never went away afterwards. It’s not as bad as it was the first few weeks but it remained. Back then it affected me a lot. I pretty much quit skating altogether because of it as I was struggling a lot mentally. It came to a point where I was more tired from fixating on the effect on my mental health than I was from the tinnitus itself. However, on Go Skateboarding Day 2017, one of my closest friends, Olli Fevang, took me out skating and I realized how much I’d missed it. I decided that day I’d rather be physically tired from having to endure some amplified ringing for a while after I skate every now and then, than being tired from always thinking about it. Now I hardly ever notice it anymore. I don’t mind talking about it, it’s still there and maybe I will struggle with it again someday, but right now it doesn’t really concern me. I still take some precautions and avoid certain things; generally very loud noise. But I don’t fixate on it like I used to. It really made me realize how loud the world is sometimes though. How much noise there is surrounding us all the time. I guess you can say I have a bigger appreciation of silence and quietness than I used to before.
As a trans skater, have you gone through a hormone therapy transition?
No, I’m not on HRT, and honestly I’m not sure if I will transition physically. I’ve definitely contemplated these things a lot and still do in relation to my mental health. Even though it’s not my favorite subject, it’s definitely relevant and an important perspective. I was asked about it once before and I said that I have no doubt I would like to transition but I’m just not sure if it’s worth it for me.
Why might a full-physical transition not be worth it for you personally?
To be completely honest, I’m not sure if the result will be good enough for me personally to justify the time and effort. I’m not sure if it would help me more than the process would drain me. I definitely respect those who choose to go through with a transition and I think it’s absolutely necessary for some. I think it saves many lives. But for me there are other things I’d like to spend time and money on instead that mean more to me and my feeling of happiness.
What are some of those things that go into your feelings of happiness?
Things I think can help me more, like friends, family, skating and even my fursuit. The latter is actually a very good example. I suppose you could go as far as to say it almost works as a substitute for HRT for me. The fursuit was a huge investment for me. It was a choice I made. Even if it’s not really me, my fursuit makes me feel prettier, more euphoric than I think my body and my own appearance ever could. Other than my own health, which I’ve also had quite a few minor struggles and a lot of expenses in relation to recently, my body just isn’t my top priority. I’m trying to realize more and more it’s just a vessel. I do wish I could feel at home in my body of course. However, not transitioning also makes me struggle with feeling validity. Although I don’t think I, nor anyone, should. I believe it’s how you feel that defines you and only you can truly define yourself. In the meantime, I’m thankful I can express myself and how I feel regardless of transitioning.
For most skateboarders, being a skateboarder is at the core of our identity. As a trans skater who has shared your challenges of validity with your identity, how has being a skateboarder helped maintain an identity?
Skateboarding has always been there for me. It’s allowed me to express myself, or perhaps more accurately, as a medium of expression. Skateboarding is very versatile. You can focus on skills, style, art, fashion, or anything else you want. It’s very free in that sense. It’s always been the one thing I’ve come back to. It’s easier to be myself on the skateboard because it feels like home to me or a form of comfort. The skateboard is like an accessory to my person, always a part of me. I guess I feel a bit naked and exposed without it, [laughs]. When I go out, it’s usually a battle between one−wanting to just blend in and not attract any attention while feeling shitty. And two− actually feel good about the way I look, wear clothes I like and so forth while being anxious. The latter obviously makes me happier, if I can do it. I think my skateboard and skating definitely makes that a little easier. You still might be anxious but you have some sort of mental support in your skateboard. Almost like bringing your teddy bear wherever you go. Maybe more people should start doing that?
You spoke about how your fursuit allows you to feel more euphoric than your body ever could. Do you think skateboarders use ‘being a skateboarder’ or their skateboard in a similar way?
Maybe not quite the same but I think it’s a great way to escape from everything for a little while at least and get out of your own head. The world can be so boring and mundane, so depressing, and to me, both skating and fursuiting represent the complete opposite of that. They represent dream and opportunity–an opportunity to have some fun and be who you actually wanna be.
Can you talk about some of those key moments of your trans skater experience and how they impacted your mental health?
In relation to my identity and feeling validity, I did recently apply to change my legal gender and have my birth names completely removed to make it feel more real to myself and to show you can actually be who you feel like, who you truly are, no matter what it may seem to anyone else. It’s just a piece of paper and some digits, of course. That doesn’t define who you are either. Still, only you know how you feel and only you can do what you have to do for your mental health. But dammit, I wanted to have the digits that are right to me. Either way that was an important decision for me that I’d been putting off for quite some time prior.
Why do you think you were reluctant to officially [sic] have your gender changed?
I guess because I was afraid and also because I was afraid it would be declined. I made it my new year’s resolution and applied first thing come January 2020. Thankfully, it got approved and one day before International Women’s Day no less. Which I thought was kinda beautiful. It felt like it was fate. Now I have to be a bit more open and honest about who I am in real life. I gotta say, it’s a huge relief. It feels very freeing. It was definitely one of the happiest decisions of my life. Ironically, though, this was also right as the pandemic hit fully here in Norway leaving me without a job and without a working social security. I couldn’t access any governmental sites to collect any checks or money or anything for some time as the bank was also suffering from the pandemic. It took a few weeks extra to get it all sorted but it was worth it a million times over. I don’t know if it in particular had much effect on my skateboarding but I definitely felt a shift, an improvement, in my general happiness because of it. Much like when I got my fursuit or the day I bought my first skateboard. Of course, with skating, I didn’t know it so much at the time that it would bring me so much joy but I now remember that day very fondly.
What comes to mind when you compare the first day you stepped on a skateboard to today when you step on a skateboard?
Things were simpler back then. It was easier to just ignore things that were difficult. Now, being an adult is hard and things never magically turned out the way you expected them to or hoped they would. I gotta say, I still ended up with more than I dared to dream of when I was younger. Maybe that’s not in terms of a fancy job, economic wealth or a big house or whatever but those things that actually matter to me. For the time being, I get by just fine. There was a time when I actually did dream of having a lot of the things I have now and I try to remember that. 13-year-old me or even 18-year-old me would’ve freaked out knowing I’d get to be part of a girl skate team, go on tour, get my own fursuit, and be together with a loving and supportive partner. I’m incredibly happy for all these things and more and I appreciate them so much. Life is still hard sometimes. I still struggle and fumble and like most skaters, I would think it’s hard to actually feel happy. It’s also very human to always want more. Which is something I can relate to. The day you stop wanting more is when you’ve just given up. You never find the pot of gold but I guess the trick is to be able to enjoy the journey. There are some moments when I feel like I can enjoy it all though and stepping on a skateboard is definitely that type of moment. That part hasn’t changed. I’ve changed a lot, evolved a lot, I’d hope. Along with the rest of the world. I still feel the same glee as I did 15 years ago when I skate. For all the things that are ever changing, that’s one thing that will never change.
Can you describe what it’s like to be a trans skater who has put herself out into the world of skateboarding?
Being a visible figure in the skateboarding community who is openly trans or let alone being a woman, gets you a lot of crap. It absolutely shouldn’t but it does. More than anything, it exposes how big of a problem there still is in accepting trans skaters and how shitty some people can be. While I personally may not care what people say about me, I care that it’s a problem. If you can deal with it, I think it only gives you more power and a chance to stand up for what’s right. But no one should have to deal with it because honestly, it can be a lot at times, even for me. I thought I was getting a lot of hate for being trans but it was nothing compared to when I started skating in a fursuit.
Is it true you have received death threats from people online?
Apparently, it seems liking anthropomorphic animal characters and dressing up in a faux fur animal costume is the worst thing you can do. As a furry, you pretty much just have to accept that death threats are a common thing. It’s messed up but I also can’t help but laugh at the thought of people telling you to off yourself over something so benign. I discovered it was actually a great way to filter out hate and ignorance from my following. I derailed a bit here, [laughs] but having a bit of a following or being visible definitely has some downsides. Especially when it comes to my mental health.
How has your visibility as a trans skater impacted your mental health?
I try to reach out as much as I can and I want to get my message out to be able make an impact. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But it’s a bit stressful. I already struggle with anxiety and find it hard to go out sometimes. The thought of someone maybe recognizing me really freaks me out and makes it even harder. I’m not scared I will get discriminated against or anything. I’ve heard it all before so quite the opposite. I’m more scared of running into someone who might rather look up to me. Having someone look up to you is nice and all but I’m scared I’ll be a disappointment or let someone down. I’m just a person. I’m very human but sometimes I feel like my online presence has become bigger and something more than myself. Although I say I don’t feel like I represent anything other than myself, I still want to be a good influence and thus, try to be a good role model. It’s still me but what you see of me online is such a selective representation of my reality. In reality, I have shitty days and sometimes struggle to take care of myself at all. I think it’s important to remember that. That being said, don’t be afraid to say hi if you should ever see me on the street. I think I’d appreciate it. The few encounters I’ve had so far have mostly only been good at least.
Well today, you were interviewed by someone who looks up to you and you certainly did not disappoint or let anyone down. Not even close.
Thank you so much.
If you had a button that would change one thing what would it be and would you push it?
It’s tempting to say my body, despite my answer earlier, but oh wow. If I could just push a button, [pause] Yes, I’d push it so fast, [laughs]. The world would probably be better off with some other, more significant change, though, but if I get one genie wish, [my body]. I think that’s it.
Is there anything you would like to add?
I would just like to say that it was very important for me that this was an open and honest interview. I wanted it to be something meaningful. I didn’t want it to be all glorified, and all about me. Obviously it is because these are all my experiences, thoughts and feelings, but I wanted it to have something to offer. I hope I was able to accomplish that. It meant a lot to me to be asked to speak on the topic of mental health. I’m glad I was able to share all this. Thank you for asking me and for having me.
The gratitude is all ours, Peach.
IG: @blondemohawk
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