Astrology is in again, with everyone from mystically inclined college kids to mid-level project managers using the ol’ Zodiac to make major life decisions. But if normies are going to explain away the entire course of their lives by saying “Mercury is in retrograde,” why not skaters too? Skaterscopes is a new column from resident SKATEISM astrologer Bitty, in which they use your sign to tell you exactly how shit’s going to go this month, both on and off the board. We’re going to get rich and land lots of tricks, apparently. Doubtful, but we love hearing it anyway! This first one is a little late, but going forward we’ll get them to you when you can actually use them, on the 1st. Or around it, at least. We are skaters after all. – SKATEISM
Words by Bitty
Pisces (Feb 19- March 20): Skate with a friend, especially if that friend is a Virgo or Libra. Your opposite signs are currently shredding the celestial bodies that foster relationships, platonic or otherwise. Having a homie watch for cars and hype you up is rad, but remember to make time for you to cruise solo as well. Use that alone time as a forum to meditate on your bad habits.
Aquarius (Jan 20- Feb 18): Use humor to get through your slams and creativity to land tricks in impossible places. Take a chance on a random curb you’ve passed in your travels, and do a trick you consider easy or silly. A trick is a trick, and a sesh is a sesh. Try that goofy trick fakie, too, and see where it takes you. Don’t bail when it seems like you won’t land right, trust yourself and follow through.
Capricorn (Dec 22- Jan 19): Return to a spot you have deemed unskateable and resume the battle. Roll faster and simplify the desired trick into steps, and you’ll be calling it a comeback in no time. Stay centered over your board and in your life or you will slam hard with both. Take care of yourself first. Drink lots of water and wear sunscreen to prolong the session.
Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21): Remember to eat vegetables and stretch before you go skating. There is an emphasis on your health this month, so take extra steps to make sure your body is ready to receive the great ideas you hold in your mind. You may find folks will be distant this month due to outside circumstances, but don’t take it personally. Be ready to pick up the sesh right where y’all left off when they return after this month.
Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21): Just because Halloween stores are taking over vacant spots in the strip mall does NOT mean that your birthday is just around the corner! Chill out and be conscious of your inclination to be self centered. The best way to do this is to teach someone else a skateboarding skill. Sharing your knowledge will counteract you being prematurely or excessively stoked on your spooky birthday season.
Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22): Your outside responsibilities will try to harsh your mellow this month, so don’t be hard on yourself when you don’t have time to skate. A surprise adventure or vacation is on the horizon, so make sure you pack your board to shred brand new places. Though circumstances might thwart your dedication to skating, there will be a payoff in the form of new opportunities by the end of the month.
Virgo (Aug 23- Sept 22): This month is gonna be surprisingly gnarly, and not in a good way. Try softer urethane wheels to avoid the amount of rock farts this month will throw at you. Despite the problems that will arrive this month, your siblings in your chosen family will respect you in your struggle this month, so be gracious with them. Everyone is rooting for you, remember to root for yourself.
Leo (July 23- Aug 22): The stars will align for all ventures on and off the board, except for those that involve your wallet. Become close friends with the clearance rack and you will find gems. Now is not the time to invest in a new board shape or brand of wheels. When you find yourself frustrated because you can’t land a trick you want, try not to rage out. Snapping your board will compound any bad luck you may encounter this month.
Cancer (June 21- July 22): Your hard work will pay off this month, both financially and in your skating ability. Tiny hiccups and crashes will punctuate long term success and badassery, so keep your eyes on the prize. Your skate family will come through in the clutch this month. Be open to newfound roads of spirituality, or at least try your best to remember your horoscope. Not that I’m biased or anything 😉
Gemini (May 21 -June 20): Search for a natural snake run. Terrain that fosters carving and pumping for speed will open your mind to new ways to tear it up out there. Slides are your lucky moves, you will struggle to catch air in new places. The matriarch in your life will provide you extra wisdom this month. This is a good time for you to get an extra gig for cash, just don’t spend it all in one place!
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You may find this month to be full of drama, so keep your head up and spend extra time skating alone. Find a new place to skate closer to home and use your stubbornness to persist until you roll away clean. Sketchiness is a part of life, so bring wax and a tool with you at all times. Someone outside of your regular squad is admiring you, so welcome them and be a good role model.
Aries (March 21- April 19): Focus on your ability to learn in small areas, even stationary if necessary. This is a lucky time to learn new flatground tricks and stationary stalls on unwaxed benches and boxes. Beginners may finally land their kickflips and more seasoned skaters should venture into the world of nollies. This is also a good month in regards to health for Aries, so shred on.
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Follow Bitty on instagram (@bittysaurus).
Featured image from Farzad Mohsenvand, via Unsplash.
