Oorbee Roy, better known on Tik-Tok and Instagram as ‘Aunty Skates’ is a 47 year old mum with South Asian heritage who was born in the US, grew up in New Jersey, and now lives in Toronto, Canada with her husband and two children. A video of her skating a bowl in a sari last year went viral on Tik Tok and Instagram and has been seen on multiple news channels globally. Here she is interviewed by Dr Indigo Willing who is a Vietnamese refugee in Australia, a mum who skateboards, and who had a video that went viral on Twitter of her skating in her 40s to celebrate her turning 50 last year. They discuss tips on how to navigate receiving unexpected global attention on the Internet, to let people ‘be what they can see’ and how to break stereotypes in skateboarding and their own ethnic communities.
Interview by Indigo Willing
I was just really interested in how mums can go viral, and how it’s an unusual kind of thing to deal with as older women and being from Asian communities where skateboarding isn’t always embraced or even thought about.
I like that you have a very unique perspective because of going so viral too, right? It’s so unexpected and all the stuff that goes along with it.
Oh yeah. So let’s start with your background, what was it like growing up in America, was it pretty multicultural there?
No, it wasn’t. I mean, when you compare it to now and how multicultural Toronto is. At the time I thought it was multicultural but now I see that it wasn’t.
Did you have much acceptance growing up being Indian? You’re known for skating in a sari, and you seem so proud of your ethnicity. That’s super cool. But I’m wondering if it was always the case or it’s something that happened as you began to get older?
I think Indian culture is so rich, and for that reason my parents really entrenched me in the culture. Because of that, I was always very proud to be Indian. I mean, the food, the sounds, the music and the dancing. There’s just so much to it, so it was always a source of pride for me. But on a day-to-day basis, I got picked on and that was difficult. But I think when you get picked on as a child, as you know, it toughens you up for sure. It gives you a sense of pride because you know how awesome your culture is, it’s just that the rest of the world or the rest of the community hasn’t caught up yet. But that’s not to say there weren’t some tough times.
To any of the kids and youth that might be reading this, what’s one thing you would go back and tell your younger self during those tougher times?
I don’t get asked these questions often, I appreciate this. I would say if I could go back and tell myself something, I would just say you’re real, you’re okay.
“Every experience in my life has kind of given me resilience. But I think it wasn’t until I started skateboarding, that I realized that those things in my past were not moments of failure. They were moments of progression”
Did you carry some of that resilience and toughness into skating? Did you think about it when you went to the skate park like “Okay, I’ve been in this situation before, and I can do this” ?
I think that resilience comes from so many different things. I’ve taken a lot of big chances in my life and took a step back from what’s traditional in my culture, like being a doctor or an engineer or a computer scientist. I mean, every experience in my life has kind of given me resilience. But I think it wasn’t until I started skateboarding, that I realized that those things in my past were not moments of failure but moments of progression. It seems so obvious now as a skateboarder but back then I think I was always very hard on myself. Now I realize it’s just part of the journey.
In your videos you always look like you make space for yourself and others at the skateparks, especially ‘non-traditional’ skaters. I know I’ve spoken to a lot of women and non-binary people and people that are minorities, and often there’s a lot of anxiety that they go through their minds before they even step into a skatepark. Do you experience any of that or is it something that you’ve got used to?
I think it depends but I would say there’s always a general sense of excitement. I’m always excited for what may come. It’s just an adventure every time you step on your board. I try not to have expectations because if you have expectations, you end up having a bad session, but the excitement is always there. I’m also lucky because there’s usually four of us going to the same park, my whole family. The Toronto skate community is quite welcoming to me and my family and it feels like I’m part of the community. If I were to go to a new place I don’t know, I could understand that anxiety. I sometimes avoid certain situations because I don’t want to not have fun skateboarding.
That’s a goal that can be forgotten. You’ve had a lot of viral success and you have a lot of followers, and you have a lot of TV exposure. Was it something that hit you by surprise? Like one morning you woke up with like a gazillion followers?
Well, Indigo I mean, we used to follow each other on my other, separate, family account. I’ve been on that account for three years and it was just our family’s journey and our little skate community. And in our community of mums, parents and older skaters we all share each other’s wins and losses from across the globe. It wasn’t until I went on Tik Tok, which was for the same reason- just to spread joy and have fun, that I went viral. I had 100,000 followers in under four months. That was shocking to me. I was not expecting that. And it was only a couple of videos, maybe three or four. Social media has that kind of algorithm where there is the potential to go viral. So I guess I should have expected it but you know, who expects that? It also happened during a very difficult period of my life, when my father was diagnosed and then died of cancer within five weeks. I went viral right at that time, so I think it was kind of a nice energy to have in the household. Like our family going “Oh my God, look at this!” and “I’ve got this interview or that to think about”. I got that energy and it was something to distract us from this whole thing that was happening in our lives. So I also think that I have a more unique perspective on skateboarding to share. I thought that was pretty cool, I was really excited.
It is super exciting to see all your videos and posts. But those that go viral, it can be quite an intense way of seeing the Internet as well. As you know, I had a few videos that got shared and viewed a lot, but mine are always very short and short lived but it’s always very surprising to me. It was one of my videos that was shared by Memezar, Upworthy and News.com that I woke up with like, 4000 extra followers. Small by influencer terms, but I’m an academic and nobody pays attention to us normally [laughs]. I honestly had no idea why my notifications exploded. I was like, what’s going on? And it started on Twitter. I just put my video out for my #skatetwitter friends and it was seen a million times, had 83k likes and hundreds of comments. I’m usually a very nice person to strangers so I tried to reply to everybody but it was surreal. It became impossible to read all the comments anyway, and many were also just mean and weird, so I had to change my habits. I started to mute some posts, other times I was able to call people in a bit, but most importantly, I had to learn how to not take things to heart. Did any of your Internet habits change from going viral?
I started my Aunty Skates account before I even went viral. But once it did, I just decided that I would always be positive. Is that me all the time? No, that’s not me. But I just decided to do that whenever I am online, I always try to be a positive role model. So right off the bat, I changed my behavior. It is rare for me to post something of the real version of skating, where I am often cursing and yelling out of fear. I definitely had to change my behavior, I never respond to hateful comments. I don’t think I had any hateful comments before going viral, because it was within that supportive skaters bubble we have, as you know. Even when I did the Aunty Skate thing, I’m gonna say that 99% of my comments had been very positive. There might have been a couple of times where I would have three or four comments being outright racist and I just deleted them. I don’t make space for racists, just delete it.
That’s such good advice. Just deciding, no, not making space for racists.
I’m not even gonna give them a voice, it’s not worth my time. But it’s different when somebody is hating me for being a female skater. I would say nine times out of ten I’m gonna deal with this one because I do feel that a lot of people struggle with that. A lot of women struggle with that so I want to call those people out. I want skateboarders to know that it’s not okay. I do feel I have a responsibility to speak for other women skaters and that’s before even I went viral. I make space for young women at the skateparks because I don’t care what people think of me at this age. But I remember what it was like being in my 20s and in my teens. If there are young girls and women at the skatepark, or anyone that’s nervous, I’ll say come over and join me. I’ll teach them the rules. They have a right to be here.
I find once you learn the etiquette and the flow of the skatepark it makes life a lot easier for beginners and new visitors. You know, like keep an eye out that someone is welcome and understands everyone else’s lines and the flow of the place. Exactly like your advice, just welcome people in.
You’ve been skating for a long time right? So you’ve seen the culture change a lot. I have too. It has changed a lot for me too, but in a shorter time span. I love it when I see mums get on my DM’s, saying that I inspired them to start skating. It’s such a wonderful feeling. Honestly I feel so good about that.
It’s so important. “You can’t be what you can’t see” is the saying that Kim Woozy from Skate Like a Girl said to me once. We often talk about Asian representation in action sports, and before we would always be expected to be very pretty and dainty and into figure skating or gymnastics rather than into these action sports. Even though I have White adoptive parents, I have a lot of the expectations of the Vietnamese community on me. I understand that there are a lot of expectations for us as refugees, to be role models, but I think to be a skateboarder is a bit of a surprise, to say the least. They are getting used to the idea more and more though. I’d like to think the younger and next Vietnamese generations can feel proud to do all kinds of things.
Yeah. I now hear more often “Oh, we’re so proud of you” and I think representation matters. As you know, I have children and they need to see these things. I became a computer scientist, and I did all those things and I made my family proud but I was still miserable. I was working on Wall Street and one day I called my dad crying and I was like, I can’t do this anymore. He said, OK and I was surprised as hell. My parents had expectations of me and once those expectations were met, they were like, well, we don’t want her to be miserable now. So I think that’s why they backed off. That was when I was in my 20s and since then my parents have been my biggest supporters of my skating and I feel very fortunate about that. I just wanted to skate with my family but I was also doing a lot of parenting through skateboarding. Every time my kids see me fall they see me get back up. Every time they see someone nervous at the skatepark, they see me helping them. So they don’t understand the idea of giving up. They understand that it’s progression and resilience.
So there’s that, and then there’s another side component to my skating. If you look on pages where women skate, it’s not very often that you see women of colour or skaters of colour who are older. So I think that we really do matter to the people that don’t realize that skateboarding is for everyone. We get to inspire the people that think it’s too late to go out there and live their best lives. Not everybody is going to be a skateboarder, but it’s just never too late to go out there and live your best life. I say it all the time on Instagram and it’s because I really, really mean it. But people need to see it. Yeah, I can lecture people about it all day but unless they see it, it doesn’t sink in the same way.
Yeah, that’s so important. In a different direction, I sometimes get comments on my videos telling me what a bad person I am for skateboarding at my age, or how badly I skate to them, or how I look and what I should or should not wear. Is it the same for you?
I’m just blown away that people have the time and energy to talk crap like that. I do think that it is difficult putting yourself out there, because you open yourself up for that kind of criticism. I haven’t battled this kind of hate that much, I don’t know why.
Yeah, I’m not sure, I think it’s because my age is ambiguous. I’m very tiny in height, I even get asked for ID at bars. When people see my clip they’re not sure if I’m a young woman or a mature woman, and they wouldn’t normally throw middle-aged mums under the bus. But if they think that you’re 25 or under, they will have a go at you.
I agree with you. I don’t think they’re going to come after a 40 plus mom the same way. It’s fortunate for me, but it’s unfortunate for young women.
It’s a window on what skateboarding for a young woman would look like. I still have the ‘cover’ or ‘leeway’ once they read the caption, like “Oh, she’s a 50 year old mum! She writes about skateboarding and is obviously not trying to be a pro skater”. I really feel for these young women just sharing their first drop in or if they’re just comfortable in their bodies in a swimsuit or whatever. And I love your advice “I’m not gonna make space for racists”. That’s what the young women should be able to tell themselves, to not give space to the haters.
Yeah, I 100% stand by that. I just refuse to acknowledge it. One thing I’ll say is that within my own Indian community, I will sometimes get criticism but I will try to address that, like, “Come on, y’all. Like don’t perpetuate these stereotypes. Don’t continue the cycle, let’s break the cycle”. I’ve had a couple of comments from people from India saying that it’s not right for me to wear a sari skateboarding, like I am trying to be some kind of resident Indian guru, who am I to go out there? Like, what does that even mean?
Wow, I don’t know. Is there any cultural protocol in the particular part of India that demands you’re not allowed to do action sports in a sari? And if not, what’s your most helpful response to people back? How do you help bring people in the community forward?
It’s the fact that they don’t think I’m Indian enough to claim it, but that’s interesting. Yeah, but I’m brown. I’m fighting racism. That kind of stuff, I’ll address. I always say it in a very positive way, I always acknowledge what they’ve said. Like, okay, I understand what you’re saying but I really want people to see that you can do anything. If a 47 year old mum can skate a bowl in a sari then it’s never too late for you to go out and do what you want. I always have that kind of positive outlook. As I said from the beginning, that was one of the first things I changed after going viral, I always stay positive. I always make that effort to keep everything positive even if I am not actually a positive person all the time, and you can ask my kids here [laughs]. But that’s the way I’ve always chosen to reply and handle myself on social media.
I try to do the same, but not in such a purposeful way. I’ve always tried to be positive and I try to remember that other people can read the comments, and some might see what I say back in order to know how to deal with this themselves. I feel like I need to be role modelling or educating a little, or you know, acting more professionally. It’s like a professional persona, but it’s not.
Yes, I feel that it is! Which is unfortunate, because you’re just trying to skate. But on the other hand, for example, I just got invited to a movie premiere. It opened up doors for representing a positive side of skating not seen much. It’s not an essential job but thinking about interacting on the Internet in a more professional way, makes it a lot easier. It is a professional thing mentally.
Having said that, there is a time and place to lash out. I’m going to give you an example. Before the whole viral thing, I was at a skatepark in California. Most of the people at the skatepark were super stoked to see a mom skating with her children. I mean, how can you not be stoked about that? But there was one fool that came in and he kept saying I was getting in his way. I was with another lady that I met at the skatepark and she didn’t know anybody, I obviously got protective of her. He kept yelling at us to get out of his way. And I was like, “We have the right to be here but if this is the line you’re doing, I’ll move. Sorry if we were getting in your way of your line.”
But then my daughter got in the bowl, and she started doing her run. She was still on her board when the guy came barreling in and almost ran her over. So I ran up to him and got to his face (this is pre COVID). I said in front of all his homies, “Listen, I said, I’ll get out of your way but you need to understand that we have a right to be here just like everybody else”. And he was like, “Yeah, so get out of my way!”. I said, “No, I’m explaining something to you and you need to hear me” and you know what I did? I scolded him like a little baby, and all of his friends supported me and he left the park. Later on, his friends came up to me at some point and they sat down. A couple people said things like, “You know, you’re ripping!” and “I’m stoked to see you here” and “keep doing what you’re doing!”. They gave me positive feedback. So sometimes I think we need to look at how we are in a position of power. Do you have a right to speak up? Should I try to protect people who need to be protected? I mean if that’s something that we can do then we should by all means, do it.
Yeah go for it. I think that’s needed, the mom vibes at the park can be a good thing. Because we don’t need to feel cool. Just make it fair and inclusive.
And he put his tail between his legs and went out in the parking lot!
One thing I do love though, is this language between skaters and I often find, regardless of age or ethnicity or anything else. There’s a connection that can be made. Even between a 16 year old ripper or a 25 year old, or a pro-skater and an old mom. Unless someone’s stuck being a total tool, there’s some common ground and sense of respect that you can all give each other. Like, “I know and like what you’re about. You’re a skateboarder too”.
I love this about the community. You know, some of my homies are 16 years old, 14 years old. And I’m friends with my kids’ friends and we all go to the park together and meet up on the weekends. It’s a fun community, I really do appreciate that about skateboarding. It’s also changing a lot now. When I used to go to the skate park, I would be the only woman there, especially when I was going with my kids. But it’s not like that anymore. The more people see us at the skatepark, the more normalized it becomes. I’ve gotten so many moms skating just because they keep seeing me while they’re just sitting there on their phones. I’ll go up to them and say, “Why don’t you get a skateboard and go around?” And many end up giving it a go. I do love the skate community.
Is there anyone that you want to give a shout out to in terms of homies, or somebody who has inspired you, or somebody that’s just doing rad things?
The camp counselor at the Impact Skate Club Yash Preswalla- what he’s doing is really great. My kids go to camp with him and he is really building up this new generation of people who realize they can be a part of the change and social justice. They’re being educated.
I also want to shout out to my family, because I think that skateboarding is such a family thing for me and everybody has been so supportive of my journey. Every interview I’ll do with a non-skater, they will always ask “Are your kids embarrassed of you?” Which is always such a weird question. Like, have you seen me skate? I’m not embarrassed, they’re not embarrassed. People keep asking that and the answer is no, they’ve been 100% supportive of me from the start. I very much appreciate that my kids, my husband, and my parents have all been super supportive. So I want to shout them out, because maybe I wouldn’t have continued my journey without them.
And finally, I want to shout out to Telma from the Later Skaters Gang, just to spread the message of adult skateboarding – not just women but every adult skateboarding.
So to finish up our chat, which has been so rad, what are your hopes for the future of skateboarding?
I would love to see more events for people over 40 and more competitions that have divisions for people over 40. That’s just an actionable thing. I feel that we can continue to skate into our 60s or longer. I don’t think there’s anything stopping that in the future. Skateboarding has changed my life so much and like everybody else, I’ve been through some shit. It’s such a large part of my life. It clicked with me, and I really enjoy my life so much. I want to share that with as many adults as possible because I think adults forget to play! We just go into these boring lives, and there’s no reason for that. So, my mission is to get as many adults on a skateboard as possible. That’s just a simple thing, but it can be life changing.
IG: @auntyskates
