As a kick ass feminem woman, Stefani Nurding wears her armor proudly. An armor of drip and personality that has made her a skate fashion icon and unfortunately, the target of internet haters. More importantly, Stef is a company owner with Salon Skateboards and a recent mother who’s taken everything life has been able to throw at her. From pregnancy, creating a skateboard company from the ground up, to injury, and amidst a global pandemic, Stef found herself isolated from what she loved most—skateboarding. It’s not always been easy and it’s never all ups and it’s never all downs. But just as we learn in skateboarding, Stef reminds us that when we fall we have to get back up. All the fun is right there waiting for us when we do.
Interview by Denia Kopita
Photography by Christian Trippe
Published in April 2021
Thank you so much for joining us today, Stef. It’s been 3 years since you last spoke with Skateism for our 3rd issue. How have you been holding up with everything?
Yeah, I’ve been good, thank you for asking. I had a baby boy since the last time we spoke. That has been crazy. I had Felix and that was obviously really amazing–the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But obviously, a huge challenge. I had an emergency cesarean, where I thought I was gonna not be able to skate for like two months.
Were you able to skate?
I actually could not skate for two years and my fitness was at zero. I had to totally build from scratch to even get back to cruising. Having a son was the best thing that ever happened to me but also the biggest challenge I’ve ever had in terms of being able to enjoy what I do for myself.
How is everything going with Salon?
I’ve also been working on Salon more, it’s been really fun. We’re just starting to film some proper stuff now with a couple filmers here in London. It’s been a crazy time because I decided to start studying Access to Medicine. I’m trying to be a dentist.
Was studying to become a dentist something you always wanted to do?
I want to stay in London with my son but I also had this goal to do that since I was really young but I just never had the confidence or didn’t think it was possible. My schedule was absolutely mental but I also started to enjoy skateboarding in a totally different way and just loving it so much more than ever.
How have you started to enjoy skateboarding in a different way?
I used to really care about what tricks I could do, improving all the time and being self conscious about my level of skating. Now I don’t expect too much but just having a really nice time and enjoying it. Which that’s how skateboarding is meant to be so it’s the best time of my life now as a skateboarder–it’s crazy.
That’s what really skateboarding is about isn’t it? But sometimes it’s easier said than done.
I think so too because there’s so much that goes into skateboarding. I’m worried about how I’m perceived and obviously, just because my account has a lot of followers, you already have a lot of criticism online from strangers. Sometimes you feel like, “I suck,” but now that I’ve just been enjoying it, I don’t feel like that at all anymore. It’s so freeing.
How did not being able to skate for a couple years affect your mental health?
The main thing I noticed was that people were saying stuff to me and I don’t think they were intending to be awful but I already felt quite isolated from being pregnant, as you can’t really go out and stuff. The thing is, everyone goes skating and then they go to the pub. I wanted to rest and be as healthy as possible so I would always stay home. Then I would say to them, “I saw how everyone met up to go skating but no one asked me,” and they’d say, “You’re pregnant,” or “You just had a baby.” Even though I would have been up for going or at least hanging out or maybe even filming, people had written me off as if, “She’s gone now.”
Did you do anything to help reconnect you from feeling isolated?
I actually did this photography project because skating is my life and I absolutely love it. I was feeling isolated and low but I’m the kind of person that asks, “Okay, what am I going to do about this?” I had these few different types of cameras, the Instax camera with instant photos and I bought some disposable cameras. I contacted some skaters I really like and Beatrice [Domond] came to visit me. I took a lot of photos of her and I was going out with my friend at Southbank, taking these photos, really pregnant. It would have been funny if someone would have taken a photo of me while I was really pregnant, [laughs]. That’s how I responded to feeling isolated but it was the most cut off I had felt in my life.
You found a way to love skateboarding again even though you couldn’t skate?
Yeah, because It’s not skating that you love so much, it’s being involved with it. I still got the same feeling when I was going out and my friend would land a good trick and I got a nice photo of it. It was the same feeling for me as I get when I go skating.
Would you say there’s a disparity between women and men, when it comes to mental health and skateboarding?
Something I’ve noticed throughout being in skateboarding for a long time is definitely that women and men show their emotions in a different way. For instance, I would be on a night out or there’s been a few occasions where some guy or a younger guy has been really acting out. In the past, I probably would have said, “Oh, God, what’s this guy doing?” And be judgmental. But then I sort of realized or another older guy would tell me, “Obviously he’s upset. Something’s going on with him at home or something.” Now that I’m a bit older, if I see someone’s really angry or they’re throwing their board around I’m thinking, “I don’t know, I could be wrong,” because obviously it’s not my experience but this is their version of being upset. Instead of being judgmental, I’ll ask them, “Are you okay?” Or just start a conversation.
Do you feel like skateboarders can be judgmental of our fellow skaters?
Skateboarders can be really nice but they can also be really judgmental. I mean, everyone is a normal human being, so when someone sees something they’re gonna have an opinion on it. When I see a guy acting really angry or overreacting to failing, I’m saying, “Okay, there’s something else going on here.”
How has being visible online affected you as a skateboarder?
It’s crazy, I got like 85,000 followers on TikTok, just from this one video. This actually links back to what you were asking me before about being a woman on a skateboard. It’s crazy because in my mind, I’ve kind of been in the skate community for a long time. I don’t expect people to know who I am, but to an extent, people within the community would say, “Oh, yeah, that’s just Stef.” Obviously it’s a slightly different generation, right? I was posting my normal skate clips or just me with my skateboard getting a coffee or bubble tea and I was getting all these comments from younger people calling on me, not necessarily even just younger but different countries and young girls, whoever–calling me a poser–that I don’t skate and all these insults. I was so confused by it but I realized they were just calling me a poser because I was dressed like a feminine woman. They didn’t think I could skate.
What do you think are some of the mental health consequences of putting your authentic self on the internet?
There’s ups and downs and it’s something that I went through. At one point, I really went through it. A lot of people were really supportive but there were a lot of bad comments. I even had some emails I had to report to the police. You don’t necessarily realize how it affects you. You think, “Oh, that’s so stupid.” You brush it off but I had a full blown breakdown moving to London because it just all builds up on you and then it catches you unaware.
What would you have to say as you learned as someone experiencing mental health issues from social media?
It’s about realizing that social media is not who you are, it’s not real life. It’s about fun and that’s what it’s supposed to be about in skating. It’s been a real journey for me and a learning curve, distancing myself from my real person and my social media so when I get an insult it doesn’t feel like it’s actually an attack on me. But to be honest, the comments can catch you any time. It’s just the thought somebody out there is wishing you ill for no reason, [sigh].
When you were receiving those negative comments, was there ever a point where you thought about deleting your social media?
The only time I ever felt like that was actually in real life. I had been going to Sweden to compete and skate and there was this one girl that’s a skater and she was just always so mean to me at every event. I always knew she was gonna say something to me. There was always something negative and leaving me out of group stuff. I just came back one day and I felt so excluded from the group and I was just really upset. I had this turning moment where I said to myself, “You know what? I’m gonna really do this now. I’m gonna put loads of energy into it.” That’s what drives me to put out this content for feminine women and whoever else gets inspired by it; it’s because I felt like stopping doing me but I thankfully had the confidence to carry on and it makes me so mad the thought of somebody actually stopping because of those people.
Going back to Salon Skateboards: You’re a company owner and basically do everything by yourself, right?
Yeah, pretty much. I have a few people that help me with graphics or when things just get too much or when the website goes down, but I mainly do everything by myself. My thing with Salon has been that I get a bit frustrated with the skate industry. A lot of people do unpaid stuff or people expect people to give their time for nothing. Pretty much every single person that’s been involved with Salon since the very beginning, I’ve paid them for their time.
How would you say being a company owner and doing most of the things by yourself, have impacted your mental health?
For the first time in my life I’ve experienced feeling really difficult to get through a task. Sometimes with the orders because I’m dyslexic as well or sometimes I’m really worried about making a mistake with the orders. Sometimes it just feels like wading through sand and this has been a strain on me. Most of my work is in the evening so I’ve had this super strict schedule, literally from hour to hour planned out. With Felix, I have this many hours to work, have this many hours for my course but it’s not sustainable. It’s been a learning curve having the baby really and I need to take care of myself more and make sure I do exercise, drink more water and just really pay attention to how I’m feeling. Otherwise everything’s gonna shut down.
You’re a skater, model, company owner, mother: How do you do this?
Obviously I don’t want Felix to feel like I’m not present or I’m working all the time, so I try to keep working really early in the morning or late at night and spend the day with him and enjoy the day. There’ll be days where I’m going to bed at like one or two in the morning, waking up at 6 to start working straight away until 8 when Felix wakes up. I think it is a bit of personality trait, I would say I’m quite a naturally driven person. Now that I have my son, I feel so much more drive now that I have him; to do well and give us a nice life. We go to the flower garden every day and I can directly see my work is paying off–that’s very motivating. I’m just a normal person like everyone else. I do have ups and my downs and I feel like I had a lot less downs since I’ve really paid attention to my nutrition.
In what ways have you been paying attention to your nutrition?
I have an app which makes sure that I have all the vitamins and all the protein that I need. I can honestly say, since I have been doing this I have been in a consistent better mood for six months. Since I paid attention to my nutrition and my exercise, my mental health has been very good also.
Can you talk about one of your most popular designs at Salon, the Dump Him Go Skateboarding t-shirt?
It’s not meant to be so serious. Of course it can be taken seriously but it’s quite light hearted as it’s just a message to anyone. I actually have changed them and I have a poster now which says Dump ‘Them’ Go skateboarding. At first, it was just coming from a personal place but whoever it is, whatever it is in your life that’s holding you back, I think the message really is suppose to mean get out and have fun.
Would you say that your commitment to fashion, is it representative to your mental health?
100-percent. Once I had Felix and I was living in London, it took me a while to figure everything out mentally; all the scheduling and the eating well. I was not doing 100-percent great all of the time. I was focusing all my energy on the baby, I was so interested in him having the best time I had abandoned my own self. I had a wake-up-call really where I knew I needed to sort this out. I watched some YouTube videos and listened to some different moms talking about the subject and realized one of the things I can do was: look good, feel good. I would wake up early, even though it was an effort to wake up earlier, and do yoga and just focus on myself and then put energy into my appearance and actually picking out an outfit I really liked. One time I actually got stopped at the supermarket when I was just wearing sweats every single day and had my hair in this crazy pineapple bun. I was leaving the supermarket with my shopping cart, they stopped me and accused me asking, “Have you paid for that?” Obviously, that’s the whole prejudice in itself but that made me feel really bad and I don’t know why–it’s quite normal. Once I had the baby, a lot of my modeling jobs weren’t on anymore so I was working my ass off. I even went with my stroller and carried a Christmas tree home from IKEA under my arm. For a time, things were a bit hard for me but then I just had this turning point where I knew, “That’s it. I’m going to look after myself and do it right.”
Would you say that fashion helped you in regards to your mental health?
Yes, 100-percent. Looking at yourself and feeling like the person looking back at you, you actually recognize them.
Do you believe there’s enough skateboarders talking about mental health and do you think that we are doing enough to address it?
I’m the kind of person where I want to say things like they are and in the past when I’ve said something mental health related, there’s been a mixed reaction. The last few years, people are having more open conversations about how they feel and I see a positive change towards talking about it. People are trying and that’s all you can expect, really, isn’t it? Everyone’s having their own difficult time and everyone just tries. It’s really amazing the Ben Raemers Foundation has raised so much awareness and all the amazing work that they have done. Hats off to them really.
If you had a button that would change anything, what would it be and would you push it?
At the moment, I’m getting really scared about the environment and have watched a lot of documentaries about the state of things. So if I had a button, it would be to rescue the Earth we’ve been ruining. Yes, definitely push it.
No more questions Stef. Is there anything you would like to add to the interview?
In regards to mental health, it can be so hard to say something when you feel bad and there have been times in my life where I have said something but the person really failed me. But you have to keep the courage to reach out to another person. Don’t just keep it inside even though it’s the hardest thing to do when you feel like that. Just keep trying and move forward and come out on the other side.
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