The third Love Note on the queer skateboarding community came out on July 2nd. This time, Jeff sat down with Elissa Steamer to discuss her experience as a queer skater in the 80s’ – 90s’. Watching the episode, I couldn’t help but think of trailblazers and how in both the queer and skateboarding communities their presence allows for younger generations to take more space. That’s when Terry Lawrence came to mind. Lawrence was a professional vert rider in the 70s’-80s’. Younger skaters might be less familiar with Lawrence’s career but his impact as a trailblazer is nonetheless. I chatted with Terry about being trans, today’s queer skateboarding community and blazing the trail in the 70s’ in vert.
Interview Emanuele Barbier | Courtesy Photos Terry Lawrence
Trigger Warning: Mentions of suicide and self-harm
What made you first fall in love with skateboarding?
It was the sense of freedom and finding my own place to express myself. There were no boundaries, the only boundaries would be the one you impose on yourself.
You were riding in the 70s’-80s’, how would you describe that scene?
It was the birth of so many things that changed the sport from that moment forward. If I could pick a time to skate in, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. So much was being developed, so much was new and exciting. In a lot of ways, it was developing its own culture, its own voice. It was the sense you could be and do whatever you wanted, it had that rebellious aspect
“It’s like swimming upstream when everyone is swimming downstream.” – Terry Lawrence
Around that time, were you already of your trans identity?
I didn’t have the language for it, I didn’t have the words. What gravitated me toward skateboarding is that I could express my masculinity and my competitive aggressiveness and it wasn’t looked down upon in a way that it would have been in another type of sport.
I didn’t know any trans skater, or even gay skaters that were out. For me, to be as young as I was, I wasn’t really sure of my own identity as much as I was just comfortable in that scene because I didn’t have to conform to stereotypes.
Do you think skateboarding has helped you on your transition journey?
Absolutely! One thing I had to take early on was not to care what people think about me and that carried on in my life ever since. It’s the sense that you’re going to define yourself the way you want to define yourself and I think skateboarding definitely opened a door for my identity and my transness later on. It made it less scary because it’s like I can say ‘I have been here before’. It’s like swimming upstream when everyone is swimming downstream.
When is it that you came out as trans?
I started my transition 5-6 years ago, I transitioned later in life. I always felt masculine of center but I didn’t actively changed my appearance until 5 years ago.
Coming out, you always face adversity but I think there can also be a lot of positive energy. Did you get to experience some of that through the people that surround you and the skateboarding community?
I have definitely had incredible support for being my authentic self. I had support in ways I wasn’t expecting it to be there, from people I didn’t think would be supportive, which I thought was pretty amazing. I already have an established career and transitioning in that career presented a lot of challenges but for the most part, it’s been positive.
I think the skate community is still coming around to this type of acceptance or understanding of sexual orientation and gender identity. It’s still early on but it’s been making incredible changes and strides. I am really glad that it’s more inclusive, that it’s becoming a safer space for young people especially.
As you mentioned, the community today is becoming increasingly safer and inclusive but what do you think the community in the 80s’ could have done to be better back then?
Skateboarding back then was really male-dominated and heteronormative. It was a lot of ‘this is gay, you’re a fag, you’re a dyke’. When you grow up in that kind of environment, there is a lot of fear, kids shut down, they don’t feel safe to be who they are. Language is a really powerful tool, if we change it, it can create a better environment for people to feel free to be themselves.
“The fact that they actually did a queer Loveletter is amazing, that they stepped up to that challenge, I have to salute them.” – Terry Lawrence
On the topic of a male-dominated community, in an interview you had mentioned what you wanted out of skateboarding is to be able to enter a contest in the men’s division. What do you think it will take from today’s community to finally allow trans skaters to compete in gender categories they weren’t assigned at birth?
When you look at skateboarding it needs to be a type of level playing field ‘if you’re a good skater, you’re just a good skater’. You could have a 3rd category if you wanted to, anybody could be there, just a skateboarding category that had nothing to do with gender.
For me, because vertical for women back then wasn’t normal, I showed up to a contest and they didn’t have a category for women. So I skated with the men because there was no category for me. I said ‘I am just going to skate in the men’s division’ and nobody stopped me because they didn’t have anything to offer me as an alternative at that point.
It’s so interesting that there was no opposition from a lack of possibility, it makes me wonder about the paradox of inclusion, if the increased number of possibilities is a barrier to inclusivity. I am just rumbling by myself, let’s get back on track. In your opinion, how can initiatives like the queer Loveletters benefits the queer trans community?
The fact that they actually did a queer Loveletter is amazing, that they stepped up to that challenge, I have to salute them. It’s much need in the way that LGBTQ+ people can understand, some kids’ lives will be saved because of that. They will be able to look and think ‘there is somebody like me, maybe I don’t have to feel so bad about myself. Maybe I don’t have to commit suicide or turn to drugs and alcohol.’ It’s a powerful thing to see yourself reflected in things like the Loveletters
If something similar happened in the 80s’, do you think it would have changed your whole life?
I think it would have been beneficial for me because I would have seen that there are other people like me. When I looked around, I didn’t see anybody else and if there was, nobody was talking about it because you couldn’t. Being able to talk about it, to watch that on Youtube, to see other queer trans people expressing themselves and being themselves would have had an impact on me.
Hearing your perspective on this era, I can’t stop thinking of my privilege having come-out at a later time. While I faced bullying, I largely benefited from the more open-minded generation I grew up in. It’s always fascinating to exchange with queer trans folx from different generations.
Right, it’s amazing to think about the trailblazers that came before me and cracked the door open just a little bit so I could breathe. Now, the door is wide open and it creates a space for people to breathe and be themselves also.
Absolutely, and it makes me wonder what do you love the most about today’s queer skate scene?
I love to see the energy and diversity. Not only of gender and orientation but also for people of color. I grew up in an era where a lot of people of color weren’t skating. It’s great that skateboarding that has moved to all aspect of society now, it wasn’t so much that way when we started. I love seeing that.
“It’s every trans person’s choice if they want to go back and have that portion of their lives relabelled.” – Terry Lawrence
Mentioning the 80s’, congratulations on your induction into the Skateboarding Hall of Fame [SHOF]! It’s a shame that they used your dead name though.
It’s interesting that you bring that up and I am going to take a minute to address it. When I was skating, I was female-bodied, I entered female contests and I was seen as a female professional skateboarder. That’s the only lens that was available. Yet, I think it’s a powerful lens because, for trailblazer women in extreme sports, it’s providing a leg-up to other women. That time in my life, by default, I was a role model for the women that came after me. They saw me as an example of a female athlete doing things girls at that time did not do.
Here I am in my adult life now and I transition. But how do you want to be defined historically? I didn’t want to do a revisioned history of my life. Some trans folx are very uncomfortable with looking at their lives prior to transition. For me, I think there is a benefit to that for women athletes. I don’t see revisioning that history as changing anything about my transness or makes my identity any less real. It doesn’t create a dysphoria for me because I have come to accept all of who I am. It’s every trans person’s choice if they want to go back and have that portion of their lives relabelled.
What I asked [SHOF] is that in the now, they gender me correctly, spell my name correctly and when I receive my award, gender me as who I am now, but I didn’t feel the need to disown my own history. Being trans is not my totality, skateboarding is the real story!
